Ayumi Uehara, Hard To Pronounce Name, Even Harder To Remove Eyes From

In her eyes, you're worth as much as your mouth can handle. After a few minutes of hot and steamy conversation, you start to forget why intelligence even matters anymore when you're this flippin' pretty. If only you could make her show a little more without having to buy her another drink.

You motion to the bartender and purchase her another Long Island Iced Tea. She shows off some more skin, but then you realize something abominably absurd. She's only pretty at one angle. Any other view of her exposes her flabby ass and disproportionate face. When you're this ugly, the only tools you have are to show off your ready-to-screw face and hope to grab the attention of a finishing doctor out of medical school. You put down your cup, walk away, and cry on the floor of the men's white tiled restroom.

Though your pants soaked in piss footprints, your agony is drowned by the sound of a loud hand dryer. A guy in a bandana, claiming authenticity of bandit life, kicks down a bathroom stall door. He curses at something, but you fail to notice. All you have are your tears. Tears for the woman with only one angle of livelihood. Pity for the beautiful women who still wear oversized clothes. Sitting in a pool of yellow, $100,000 in debt from school, you ache in the wake of drawing only leeches and a short straw for all of your hard work.